This week marks a milestone. This week I will have been Marcus's widow longer than I was his wife. I have been dancing the next figure alone longer than we were married.

Last week I lost a dear patient. Our conversations continue to sink in, shaping my thoughts on love, purpose, and faith. His voice was unique, clear, dark and beautiful. I want to honor his passing here. I want to honor what our team goes through and the gifts we give and receive.

Like most things in my life, Christmastime is a mixed bag. By the grace of God, the mix is becoming more glittery and less coal.

Daily at my job as a bone marrow transplant nurse practitioner, I face suffering and pain, life and death. It is so hard. Yet, I love it.